Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
