The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
