I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
