watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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