Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
