I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
