Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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