after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
