he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
