so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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