my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
