Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
