Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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