Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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