can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
