I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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