the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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