Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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