I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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