I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
