and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.