that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.