Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.