I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
