I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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