At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize