i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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