i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
