Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
