two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
