I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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