She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize