Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
