I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
