She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
