just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
