i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
