my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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