i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
