did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
