I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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