You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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