The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize