Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
