she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
