Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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