I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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