she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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