It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
