my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
home. puking in laundry basket.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
