I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
