He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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