In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
