I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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