matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything