you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
