he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
