just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
