He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
