just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
