I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
