my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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