Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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