Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
