Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
