i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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