She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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