There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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