Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
