Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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