Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
