Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
