Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
