I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.