Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway