I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
