I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
as a side note pls kill me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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