thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize