You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
