I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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