She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.