Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.