im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?