Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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