my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked