I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
BRING THE BAGELS