Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.