I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty