I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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