Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
