I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
